Their own vision of success

You already know this, people with ADHD don’t think like everyone else. We often spend a lot of time and energy trying to live up to other people’s idea of what success is. If that doesn’t align with your interests, strengths and values, success is unlikely. One of our ADHD superpowers is the ability to think outside of the lines. Why not apply that to your career goals?

In order to be successful, you have to know what that means. It’s like driving, you have to know where you’re going in order to get there. You must have a clear idea of what success means to YOU. Think about it. What is your definition of success? What does success look like? How does it feel? Is it being a Judge, a teacher, a professor, a partner in Big Law, an entrepreneur, an App developer, a journalist or a policy specialist? Try those ideas on. What fits?

Coming up with your own definition of success is an exercise in self-awareness. You have to reach deep inside yourself and connect with your values and character strengths, and what you want your life to be about. Only you can discern your vision of success. A coach can help, but at the end of the day it’s all about you

Can you successfully pursue someone else’s idea of success?

Yes, but are you going to be happy or fulfilled? Probably not. It’s just like buying a pair of shoes that just don’t fit because they’re a little too small. You’re never comfortable, the fit is a little too tight and, eventually, you admit it to yourself, you’re in pain. Eventually, the shoes end up in the back of the closet or in the trash. Staying with this analogy for a little longer, what happens next? Well, unless you find a pair of shoes that fit properly, the same thing will happen over and over.

Imagine what would happen if you found a pair of shoes that you love. You love the way they look and fit, and they are exactly what you wanted all along and wearing them makes you feel and look good.

Now, imagine the same scenario but you really hate shoe shopping. What would you do? Either you’d put up with the pain or you’d buy the first pair of shoes that don’t hurt just because there’s no pain. In the latter situation, you’re happy the pain has stopped, but you’re not truly satisfied. You’ve accomplished the absence of pain which is not the same thing as success.

The ADHD brain wants to shut down when it’s bored or it searches for something to latch onto. It takes interest to get it going, and then it needs motivation to keep it going. Motivation can be positive or negative. Challenge, novelty, values-based motivation, fun, love, intellectual curiosity can all be positive motivators. Fear, stress, and anxiety are negative motivators which take a toll on our bodies, minds and spirits.

 A Team to Support Them

Being interested in your work is not enough to ensure that a lawyer with ADHD will succeed. We need a team and a supportive environment to thrive. Optimally, your team should consist of people in your personal and professional life with whom you feel comfortable discussing your challenges. Those people can be professionals (psychiatrists, therapists, coaches), family members, HR professionals, supervisors or mentors, colleagues, classmates, or friends. The point is you can’t do this alone, and you can’t do it with only one or two people supporting you. Masking your ADHD can be a survival strategy at work, but outside of work, you have to be able to take it off and talk about your ADHD challenges safely and without judgment. An ADHD coach can help.

It helps a lot if your work environment is ADHD friendly. In an ideal situation, you can identify as neurodiverse in a workplace that already has an affinity group and policies and resources to help you be your best. Alternatively, you can request accommodations, but if you don’t want to phrase it in those terms try these: “I work better when….” “I am more productive when…” “I work best when….” I recommend that you research the types of resources and policies that help professionals with ADHD succeed.

A Growth Mindset

The ABA did a study that determined that successful attorneys possessed two traits that distinguished them from their less successful colleagues: perseverance or grit and having an open mindset.

Perseverance or grit, as some people call it, is showing up with the determination and willingness to do what it takes to get the job done. You have it. You got through college, law school, and the Bar exam with the added challenge of ADHD. That’s a lot more than the average person does before they start their career.

You may be thinking about how hard it is to do the boring and tedious tasks and sometimes just showing up seems overwhelming. This is where it helps to work with a coach or therapist to develop strategies to get through those tasks. Trying new ways of doing things can be scary and uncomfortable because they may not work out as expected. That’s where having your own definition of success and a supportive team can help. Remember, we are always a work in progress.

Learn from your mistakes and keep an open mind for new learning opportunities. People with ADHD often experience ADHD shame when things don’t work out well when they try to do something new. Our negativity bias can escalate the negative internal dialog which can freeze us in overwhelm, indecision and inaction. A better way is to adopt a viewpoint that looks at each new challenge as an opportunity to learn new things. Learn from your mistakes and try again. You have always known this. You didn’t learn to walk without falling. But, you got up and tried again.

Before closing, there is one more thing I have learned from my clients about success in the ADHD world. Those who reach out to help others by supporting and mentoring others are often more self-confident, more connected and supported, and more successful in all aspects of their lives. You are not alone. Get support and give support as needed.